Friday, August 19, 2011
i saw an advertisement about depression either today or yesterday on the train. talking about no motivation to do anything, etc. they all looked pretty familiar to me, i wonder if im suffering from it.
i dont know since when, i feel like this. all the more i dont know why. its like, i dont even bother about going into a relationship, why should i even bother. but the problem is, i dont even know if i like her. i really dont know.
depression, sigh.
i really feel like paying the school counsellor a visit.
today was oral. i thought i did quite ok, i got a strong feeling i got 11 for reading. but my overall is 29. not too good. oh well, everything is over.
had my haircut. slight mohawk. needs styling to get it out. oh damn, troublesome.
depression, again. =/
really, i dont like this feeling.
my heart is cold, im tired. i think its due to the treatment im getting. now im sitting at the back of the class, i cant feel the usual attention given by teachers previously. i dont know why.
i dont know if i can hit my target for o levels.
my parents dont understand. they dont understand that i will burnout if i were to max out now.
the ultimate goal is the o levels. but my gut feeling tells me that prelims is equally important, and i have to do well, so i have to study hard.
BUT
friends, teachers, telling me not to peak right now. im so in a dillemma. i dont know what to do. should i, or should i not? someone, please? someone really wise, someone who really can understand me. please?
i dont know since when, i feel like this. all the more i dont know why. its like, i dont even bother about going into a relationship, why should i even bother. but the problem is, i dont even know if i like her. i really dont know.
depression, sigh.
i really feel like paying the school counsellor a visit.
today was oral. i thought i did quite ok, i got a strong feeling i got 11 for reading. but my overall is 29. not too good. oh well, everything is over.
had my haircut. slight mohawk. needs styling to get it out. oh damn, troublesome.
depression, again. =/
really, i dont like this feeling.
my heart is cold, im tired. i think its due to the treatment im getting. now im sitting at the back of the class, i cant feel the usual attention given by teachers previously. i dont know why.
i dont know if i can hit my target for o levels.
my parents dont understand. they dont understand that i will burnout if i were to max out now.
the ultimate goal is the o levels. but my gut feeling tells me that prelims is equally important, and i have to do well, so i have to study hard.
BUT
friends, teachers, telling me not to peak right now. im so in a dillemma. i dont know what to do. should i, or should i not? someone, please? someone really wise, someone who really can understand me. please?
Thursday, February 24, 2011
looking at yerong's update in fb, i started reflecting.
yesterday, i just joined the marist family.
around 15 hours back, i just joined NP.
14 hours back, i got my uniform.
12 hours back, i got Lcp
11 hours back, i got Cpl
10 hours back, i took over the unit
9 hours back, i got Sgt
8 hours back, i got SSgt.
everything feels like it happened within a day. unknowingly, i have been in NPCC for 3 1/2 years.
unknowingly, i have contributed to 3 golds for the unit.
next thing that will happen is, im passing out.
and then, o levels.
afterwards, results.
then, my new school.
thats the pace. sigh. the speed is that fast, that you dont realise it.
how?
Saturday, February 12, 2011
really, am i such a bad guy?
i mean, am i such an asshole that no one wants to speak to me.
i just want to be friends. nothing else.
i mean, am i such an asshole that no one wants to speak to me.
i just want to be friends. nothing else.
and you people rather talk to some st gabs piece of shit pussy.
some asshole which is afraid of heights.
seriously, fuck off.
if you got balls, come find me, st gabs.
am i such a bad guy?
really. fuck
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
call me a pessimist or what.
life just sucks.
seriously, after 15 over years of life, i find no meaning of it.
its as if nothing gets me all hyped up. everything is just the same. same old routines.
im getting sick of it.
its like there isnt anything for me to look forward to. not even chinese new year.
people get all excited for chinese new year. getting red packets, buying new clothes.
but me?
aye, its still the same old stuff. not interested.
i need something or someone to get me hyped up. please? thanks.
and im eager for CI course.
im not even passed out and im thinking of CI course.
yay, CIBTC
Monday, January 24, 2011
im feeling kind of, would i say 'depressed' lately,
or rather just kind of low.
things cant seem to get my way. like for example: tests, plans, always seems to get destroyed.
i mean, its kind of ironic isnt it? like for the very few times i decide to have a plan to do something, in the end its, it cant work out.
this just feels stupid.
following this, i seriously want to go mayflower investiture, and i seriously want to go for the CSI experience. but they both clash. =/
i just want to go back and take a look at friends whom i met last year, and see if they still can remember me. hah.
and of course, something.
i cant wait to put on the blazer the second time.
and yuliang, please give me a blazer thanks.
studying dont seem to be productive these few days. maybe because CNY is coming and im busy shopping for stuff. got a few white products. somehow its white idk why either.
CNY is coming, and im not the least excited for it anyway. all i want is mayflower's investiture. seriously.
celebrating CNY for the 16th year. it gets more and more boring after every year. i mean, every year its just talking, eating, watching, collecting, gambling, sleeping. thats all. it gets boring and numb after a few years. i dont know how the adults manage to celebrate CNY for almost 50 years and not get bored of it, but all i have is just 16 years and im already sick of it.
seriously im not looking forward to it. boring.
what i think is, christmas is much more interesting. at least theres gift exchange. better than red colour everywhere, which makes me dizzy. i'd rather christmas.
back to december has been mastered totally by ear. ah ha. i just have to be familiar with the tune thats all. simple.
sigh, i'd go back to december
Sunday, January 16, 2011
for a few days i got some slight reply from you. but after that few days, all was gone.
its hard to understand. i mean,
i dont know whats wrong. i just feel that you talk to me just to ask me to go for the investiture.
but the funny thing is, if you dont even talk to me, why would you invite me the investiture?
and, it just feels sad to see you not going for mine.
lets get to the topic.
homework:
physics: completed
chem: kind of
chinese: kind of
english: completed
math: finished ahead
geog: not done.
if im not wrong thats for the weekend. i hope i didnt miss out anything.
pray that i remember about my chem file.
i got some hamsters from sherrie. thanks!
theyre really cute. i hope i can keep them.
this post aint gonna be short. i will be posting about many things.
grenade, i decided to play my own version. i didnt like the chords.
im kind of rusty recently. i feel damn pathetic playing the piano with these lousy fingers of mine.
i hate theory. theory sucks.
tomorrow theres english, meaning mac in school again.
chem lab, sian.
tomorrow's gonna be a boring day. believe me it will be.
thats all for today. im bored
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
i think,
you made a damn great impact on my life.
my mood follows yours. when youre down, i go down.
when you send me smiley faces, i literally smile
but you dont think the same way.
made two videos in total. blogger sucks as i cant upload it. sigh. i seriously want comments for my videos. i dont dare to upload it up youtube or fb. theres too many people looking.
my two songs:
an jing - jay chou
just the way you are - bruno mars
trying to get the kick of the chords for grenade. its a damn nice song. stay tuned
其实我只想告诉你，我真的喜欢你